attempted break-in in Greenboro
Yesterday, I caught this guy trying to get into my house.
I was sitting at my computer, working as I usually do during the day, when I heard something moving around on my back deck. We have a groundhog living underneath it these days, and the critter likes to hang around and taunt the neighborhood cats and such, so a little bit of commotion back there is not uncommon, and it was not obvious that the sound was footsteps. But you know how sometimes you can tell that something isn’t right? This was one of those times.
A young guy was coming around the other side of the house when I opened the door that leads from my kitchen. He was surprised, to say the least – guess he thought a house with screen doors open (but locked) and laundry hanging out to dry might be empty. I quizzed him on what he was doing, and he told me he was looking for his black dog, which he’d lost out on a walk. A slightly believable story, if you’re the type to trust people at their word. Which I am not.
He’s wearing gloves. Cheap white stretchy finger gloves, the kind you’d get for a dollar at Walmart in the winter. I asked him about those, and he said they’re his dog-walking gloves.
Yeah.
I invited him to fuck off before I called the police. He was all apologies and disbelief at this point, unable to understand why someone like me would think that someone like him wasn’t actually looking for his dog. “You haven’t seen a black dog around here, sir?” he asks.
I sent him back around the other side of our house, knowing he’d exit through our carport. As I passed through my house myself, something inside told me that I should do something more about the situation, so I grabbed my camera.
He saw the camera too soon and immediately started running, which meant that I didn’t get his face in the half-dozen shots I was able to fire in the moment. It was probably stupid of me to have confronted him with the camera, and even stupider to start running after him.
There’s a walking path directly beside my house that cuts through the neighborhood, back to the local park, and onward to the Greenboro Community Centre, library, and so on. It’s a beautiful and convenient path, useful to us almost daily, but because it’s such a handy alternative to walking around the block, lots of other people share our enthusiasm for it. Indeed, this guy had his bike on the other side of my fence, waiting for him in case he needed to make a quick getaway.
So much for the dog walking story!
I was so close behind him, but had the disadvantage of bare feet. Oh, to have had the presence of mind to have slipped some shoes on before I went out with my camera. He was small, and fast, but not that fast, and in the time it took him to grab his bike and hop on, I could have caught up and laid hands on him. Just two more seconds would have done it.
The modern, city-living man doesn’t get many opportunities to capitalize on the adrenaline rush that comes with confronting someone trying to take your property, enter your home, or do physical harm. This would have been one of those few lifetime opportunities for me to use what I’ve learned in my martial arts lessons over the years – I walk with confidence every day because of what I know from the dojo, but it’s another thing entirely to have actually put it into practice, to actually hurt someone because you know they would hurt you if they wanted or needed to.
Risky, yeah. But in that moment, I would have taken the chance.
Called the police, who showed up two hours later. I shared these photos with the officer who spoke with me, and after I gave a description, she told me that I’d probably given him a serious scare, particularly with the camera stunt, and that she doubted he’d be back. The guy clearly expected either to find no one home at all, or perhaps a little old lady too afraid to question him… instead he got yours truly, who’s six foot one, 220 pounds, and grumpy by default. She was also honest enough to say that not much can be done and it’s unlikely the guy would get caught, unless he went to do his thing somewhere else.
The description, in case this guy looks familiar to you, is as such:
- Asian, light skinned
- maybe five foot six or seven
- between 15 and 20 years old, a thin mustache but no facial hair otherwise
- short dark hair
- skinny, maybe 150 pounds, probably less
- soft spoken, a slight accent but I couldn’t place it
- called me ‘Sir’ repeatedly
- black track jacket with white piping down the arms, white gloves, a dark colored baseball cap, rough-looking dark colored jeans
If you do know this person, call the police and let ‘em know you read this. Or drop me a line and let me know where he lives. I’ve been dying to know whether a palm strike really can move someone’s nose to another part of their face. Or whether that cross-reverse combo I’ve practiced tens of thousands of times would give someone a headache. Maybe that low thrust kick, too dangerous to actually practice with another person while training, could teach this douchebag the benefit of having two knees that face forward instead of popped out in behind him.
Wow, what an experience. I’m sure you scared the living daylights out of that kid. I doubt he’ll be hanging out in your neighborhood anymore.
I like happy endings, and although you sound as if you’ve got a bit of lunchbag letdown due to not being able to pound the stuffing out of a sneaky criminal element, it was still a damn happy ending.
While I would respond similarly, and am amazed by the presence of mind to gather a camera and take some rather excellent photos, I find your call to the martial arts quite disturbing – Having trained, you should know that martial arts are not about the wish to impose violence upon others, but are intended as a means for self defense and inner peace. Suggest you do some breathing excercises, regain balance, and call up your dojo – either to tell him he failed with you, or that you’ve lost sight of his teachings.